disintegrate

rate

heys desember, ive lost touch to writing but of course whats new in my life eh??? i reckon ive lost touch to everytin in my life desember, even myself... lost in these condescending strange werld.... too perfect for u to conform with, too hard to please, i tried gettin over it ... however im old enuf to realise... that not everyday i was able to get tru this and endure all these ironies in life...these peculiar pedicment that contradicts with ur principles...so everyday is a choice of discarding wat u belief against what is the actual reality that perpetually screams out at me.. that i am indeed wrong .. and i shld move on... well the werld doesnt revolves ard me does it... rambles rambles.... he says i whinge too much and ders nutin else he cld do abt it.. well u wont tell me to stop if im whingin continously will u desember.... forget it...i jz wan sum peace... an easy way out.. i used to sleep tru my probs... i wake up , feel better and try lookin at things at a better perspective ( though that happens on rare occassion), on most days... i sweep all these under the rug.. hopin that when i wake up i can eventually evade them, not face them....on a lighter note... everyone is pregnant.. not like its affecting me.... but sumwat i can sense its tensing everyone all ard us... see!! i told u... the need to conform.... why cant we jz be where we are.. bcz i like wher we are... hell who cares bout ppl say.. they say if its time to be one.. and ave one u ave one!! so whats the bloody rush for... well he dint say any of this of coz.. paranoia alwiz get the better of me .. and i start building all this negative thots that try to werk defensively againts those who wants me to conform which i obviously dread...
rite bout now desember , i really wish i was 15.... simply make my way to school, do my hw, study for my exams, ave crappy frens dat u cant simply lean on, well at least they are farni ... if u noe wat i mean.... get home, sleep and study sumore, watch tv... listen conscientiously to the radio for the latest music.. i mean... that was simple wasnt it... that was wen i was 15... ten years down the road wich is priti much now.... hormonal issues to deal with (not like i was less hormonal wen i was a teenager), problems ur expected to solve, fats that wont go away. pay bills that arent even urs, migraines, migraines, migraines!, understand, compromise for everyone ard u.. well its ur life and it revolves ard ppl but wat rite do they ave to take away this simplicity of happiness u yearn for?????

there was a time back wen i was 15, i asked myself whats it gonna be like 10 years down the road.. i for once obviously dint see this one... not like i had a clear mental picture of what i really want either.. but u noe wat i mean....

im hittin my big 25 in 3 days... can i blame it on quarter life crisis :)