disintegrate

rate

i jz realise creativity and father's day celebration isnt exactly quite my forte to start off with .. infact i shld give myself a kick on the back for being someone who dun celebrate days like mother and father days, eh?
but hey u guys shld seriusly give me a break with celebration with regards to this... wen i was younger i was rael anal bout this celebration and i take them seriusly.. and no matter how small my 60cent worth of duit makan .... i still manage to save 10 cents (or 5centts) a day and on mothers and fathers day i wld splurge the money on the uncle book shop at my skewl dat stands at the front ( he doesnt even look nice u noe...with big glasses and alwiz frownin, six years in Ping yi primary , dun remember the one time he even TRY to smile, u noe wot i mean) while he let ur browse tru the sweet preety notebooks and colourful pencils and pens. i take great pride and pleasure ... pickin the sweetest and cutest and sumtimes the tiniest notebooks dat i presume my mum or dad wld like, i was 8 years old, for God's sake), wrap them nicely in folscap(dunno if its spelt that way), or easily known as line papers, scribbling the i luv yous everywhere and present to them at my neat piece of artwork, well but of coz ive never seen them once utilising any of it i gave and after a couple of years, i reckon they had enuf and one of them start preaching bout how every other day shld be ur father and mother day ... and not jz one day..so he felt sum outer power tryin to instigate misguided truth and propaganda in our little naive brain ... so up till den , we dun celebrate it no more... feel at the losing end act ... u noe ... well like i say hw are we to blame... its not a family practice eh

i feel like a strange sort of suffocation dat seems to hinder my every source to breath, to feel. its a sort of feelin that makes u hum a song u cant remember n keep hummin the same verse in ur head...its like tat itch in the back, u cant seem to reach.... its like a scab that wont go away ... it seems to jz irate every second of ur life.... u keep askin if this vows were made on the day ..feelings were claimed for each other... u start questioning the intergrity of such honesty ....if any of which had been said were even true after all ...so she stared hard into the ceilin on every nite and stare constantly at his face as he slumbered into a deep sleep ... if he even feel a lil as to all of these she has constantly shouldered , silently.... it seems even her freedom to express ave been restricted...so she choose to adopt simplicity over complexity ..... maskin her pain and tears with smile and accceptance.... hinderin any sight of bitterness and anger that constantly hover over ... so she quitely whimper in her cries..wonderin if he even feel a lil to all these pain she silently felt inside.... she walked out of the room and drowned herself on another bed and let out the tears tat came on after too much suppresion ... she staggered to the bathroom and wash all her tears and wiped off the pain ... and walked back to her room etch with a smile on her face... though the wounds run too deep.... he seems to be aware of all of these yet choose to be oblivious and ignore the one person he swore to luv all his life... she silently wonders... its true eh wen they say...we hurt the one we luv the most... :)
*shrugs shoulder